The trap of negotiating with yourself – how leaders undermine their own decisions before they hear the answer
Many leaders enter negotiations with a strong proposal. But before the other side has a chance to respond, they begin to undermine themselves.
"We're offering $120,000... but if that's too much, we can consider $110,000."
"We would like a 30-day deadline... but I understand that 45 might also be acceptable."
Sound familiar? This is a classic trap of negotiating with yourself. The leader gives away ground before the other side has a chance to respond.
Why do leaders do this so often?
Fear of silence – they prefer to make a concession right away rather than endure a moment of silence.
The need to be seen as reasonable – they want to show flexibility before anyone asks.
Uncertainty about their own proposal – they lack confidence that their offer is truly valuable.
How it looks from the other side of the table
For the partner, it's a clear signal:
"They have room to back down."
"They don't believe in their position."
"We can still put pressure on them."
The result? Even if your proposal was good, it has lost value because you undermined it yourself.
How to stop this mechanism
Formulate your offer and pause
Say, "Our proposal is 120,000," and then pause.
Silence is your tool, not a threat.Separate preparation from presentation
Negotiation flexibility should be planned in advance – not added spontaneously in a sentence.Trust your value
If you don't believe in your proposal yourself, the other party will be even less likely to believe in it.
Case study: how a founder lowered his own valuation
One of our clients, a startup founder, was negotiating with an investor. His plan: a valuation of $12 million. When it came time to talk, he said, "We value the company at $12 million... although we realize that this may be a lot, so we are open to other proposals."
The investor immediately lowered the valuation to $9 million. The founder later admitted, "It wasn't the investor who pressured me. I did it myself."
In his coaching work, he learned to formulate clear positions – and to pause. Another round with another investor: $12 million, no further words. The result? The negotiations started from his anchor.
Summary
Negotiating with yourself is one of the most costly traps for leaders.
It stems from a fear of silence, a need to be liked, and a lack of faith in one's own proposal.
The antidote: a clear position, a pause, and prepared flexibility—but only presented when necessary.
👉 If you want to learn how to formulate strong offers and not sabotage them with your own words, see what executive coaching with elements of negotiation looks like:
www.szkoleniaznegocjacji.com/executive-coaching
It's not about learning tricks. It's about developing clarity and confidence – so you stop giving something away before the conversation even starts.
If you are looking for executive coaching in Poland, check our offer: