The Danger of Negotiating Against Yourself
The Danger of Negotiating Against Yourself
One of the most common – and most costly – mistakes leaders make in negotiation is negotiating against themselves. It happens more often than you think, and usually without realizing it.
Instead of letting the other side respond, leaders weaken their own position by making concessions too early, adjusting their offers without being asked, or talking themselves out of leverage.
In negotiation, your greatest strength is holding your ground. But when you negotiate against yourself, you give that strength away for free.
What Does “Negotiating Against Yourself” Look Like?
It can take several forms, including:
Making an offer, then immediately softening it.
“We could do it for $50,000… well, maybe $45,000 if that’s easier.”Answering your own questions.
“Would a longer timeline help? Or maybe you’d prefer a discount?”Conceding before the other side reacts.
“I know it’s a big ask – so I’m flexible on the conditions.”Explaining away your position.
Giving multiple reasons why your proposal “might be too much,” instead of letting it stand confidently.
In all of these cases, you’ve weakened your position without the other side even pushing back.
Why Leaders Fall Into This Trap
Fear of silence – they can’t tolerate the pause after making an offer.
Need for approval – they want to be liked more than they want to negotiate effectively.
Pressure to close quickly – they think concessions will speed things up.
Over-preparation on the wrong side – they focus so much on objections that they anticipate them out loud.
The result? They give away value before the real negotiation even begins.
The Hidden Cost of Negotiating Against Yourself
When you weaken your own position:
You lose credibility. If you change your terms without pressure, the other side questions your seriousness.
You invite more demands. Concessions breed expectations. Once you give something away for free, why wouldn’t they ask for more?
You reduce leverage. Every self-made concession narrows the zone of possible agreement in their favor.
You damage long-term influence. People remember if you collapse too quickly. Next time, they’ll push harder.
How to Stop Negotiating Against Yourself
Breaking this pattern isn’t about being stubborn. It’s about discipline and awareness. Some strategies include:
State your offer – then stop talking. Deliver it clearly and let the silence work.
Prepare your anchors. Decide in advance what you will offer, and what you will not offer without a counter-demand.
Practice tolerating silence. Count to five before speaking again after a proposal.
Ask instead of assuming. Instead of negotiating against yourself, let the other side show their reaction.
Why My Course Helps Leaders Break This Habit
The challenge is not knowing what not to do. Most leaders already know they “shouldn’t concede too fast.” The challenge is doing it under pressure.
That’s why in my online negotiation course, we focus on real-world practice:
Recognizing when you’re about to talk yourself into a weaker position,
Building confidence in your offers so they stand on their own,
Practicing silence until it feels natural,
Learning to let the other side make the next move.
Leaders often find that once they stop negotiating against themselves, their influence grows instantly – because they project authority instead of doubt.
Case Example: Director in Supplier Negotiations
A director responsible for supplier contracts often made this mistake. After presenting an offer, he would quickly add: “Of course, we could adjust the price if that helps.” Suppliers rarely had to push – he weakened his own terms.
Through structured training and practice, he learned to hold his proposals firmly, pause, and wait for supplier reactions. Within months, his team secured better contracts – not by arguing harder, but by simply not negotiating against themselves.
Final Thought
Negotiation is hard enough when the other side pushes back. Don’t make it harder by giving away value before the real conversation starts.
If you want to build the discipline to stop negotiating against yourself – and replace it with strategies that strengthen your presence – explore the full course here:
👉 https://www.michalchmielecki.com/online-negotiation-course
Sometimes the best move in negotiation isn’t making another argument. It’s saying less, holding your ground, and waiting.
Ready to close better deals, build stronger partnerships, and boost your confidence at the table? My online negotiation course delivers real-world strategies designed to help you master win-win negotiation from anywhere. Transform the way you negotiate start learning today!
Enroll in the online negotiation course now and start negotiating like a pro!